November 10, 2005

Another Roadkill on the Highway to Love

Dating when you’re in your 30s must be intense. My goodness, the strategizing, the plotting, the games.

I have two girl friends, both in their early 30s and both older than me. Now, since I’m the only married gal in our group, I’m the one they ask for love advice. The Resident Love Guru. When they need a guy’s perspective, they ask me to ask my husband.

The first one had a pseudo relationship that lasted as briefly as I predicted, but long enough to be agonizing in the end. The guy was a complete jerk. Tried telling her that and it ended with her all defensive, with ruffled feathers, telling everyone who would listen that he loves her, otherwise, why would he let her stay in his house? (booty call comes to mind.) As expected, the whole shebang self-destructed. She clung too tightly, he headed for the boondocks of Brooklyn. Didn’t even say boo before he left. He just…disappeared (now before it seems like some mysterious disappearance, the guy’s profile is still up and about online…recently accessed too!). As can be expected, she pines for closure. Now she’s trying out virtual dating. So far, pervs and jerks, though that’s not enough to scare her off the virtual dating thing.

The second one has an ongoing M.U. setup with a guy my age, yet still dates around. They’ve been playing this “everyone-thinks-we’re-boyfriend/girlfriend” bit for quite sometime, which is honestly getting a little old for me. At the start, it’s oh-so-cute, we’re all super excited. Now, well, come on, we’re no longer teenagers, for heaven’s sake! Get with the program! Are you or are you not together?

Then I have a guy pal who was turned down by his lady love. My sympathies to you, man. You’ve got my vote. You’ll live. Just look at it this way. You did not get dumped. Essentially because you were never an official couple. Don’t wallow in self-pity. You’ve got a lot going for you. Just check your Friendster testimonials. If you feel like moping, give yourself a deadline. Get ice cream. Here's a bottle of beer. Drink up. If that still doesn’t work, well, girls always rely on the good ol’ Gloria Gaynor ditty “I Will Survive”. There might be a guy version, who knows?

Maybe I’m too impatient for the current dating style. The way I see it, if somebody wants you, they’ll try to get you to commit as soon as they can. Yeah, you can’t hurry love and you shouldn’t, but there’s always a time for action. Once that time is past, well, it’s time to move on.

I do admit it’s fun advising my friends about love matters. I like trying to figure out what the heck is going on. The thing is, even if I give them caboodles of advice, I know for a fact that they’ll sift through everything and do what they want anyway.

Why can’t two persons just say, “ok, I like you. Do you like me? Yes? No? Yes? Great! No? Well, have a good day then.”

Why does dating have to be so complicated?