March 1, 2006

it's easier to live as if I'm asleep
than to wake up and realize the life I'm living
is not how I pictured it to be.

Walking through life in a haze
nothing excites me anymore
I look for dangerous things to keep me going.
I jump out of a plane with nothing but a parachute

I want to do something
Be something
Because the work I do
Treats me as nothing
And makes me feel nothing.

Trapped in my own monologue
I repeat myself so often
I can do this whole routine in my sleep.

People seem interested in what I have to say.
Yet they come here expecting a certain performance.

But people who know who I used to be
Refuse to understand that I could become something else.
Then there are those who know me now
Who refuse to understand that I was something else before.

Of my youth
Of days gone by
Of going back in time

Dreams so long denied,
but never forgotten.
I look out the window and
remember the dreams I had when I had them.

When the color red meant something else by the light of the moon
When promises of love were believed in.

Love is no longer just a promise.
It is beside me and around me.
Let in one person at a time
to touch your body, your mind and your soul.
Forget the pain as long as you're loved.
Let love show you who matters.


Paige said...

You are getting close. You know what I mean. Close to finding yourself. You have been there the whole time. And its ok to hide sometimes, it is a protection, self preservation. Love thy self & everything else will fall into place.

Cez said...

Hi Paige!

I believe that things will fall into place...that the right things will happen at the right time. Perhaps I felt so lost because I haven't been true to myself... haven't done work that I really want to do. Will try to change it soon.