March 12, 2006

Mixed Emotions

I still can't believe it. I quit my job. People at work are still trying to talk me out of it.

They told me that I was in the best job I can ever hope to get. They also told me that it was the best workplace I can ever hope to be in. Just listening to them was enough motivation for me to try something new. I want to try something so new to me that it'll also prove them wrong. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there's a part of me that wants to prove them wrong. Who's to stop me? Even the little business my sister and I have been talking about might actually happen. Still ironing out the details, but it can be done.

That is not to say that I've been in constant high spirits since. It just feels weird that after 8 years of working in that place, all of a sudden, just like that, I'll be gone. Routine is comforting. After the 17th, my routine will change.

When I was giving my resignation letter, a part of me was detached and thinking, "wow! I can't believe I'm actually doing this!". Quite surreal.

Two nights ago, I went to sleep wondering if it WAS hasty. You know how it is. One person tells you that it was a hasty decision, then another...and another. It gets you thinking. When I woke up the next day, I was happy with my decision again. By afternoon, I panicked how we'll pay the bills. Yesterday morning, I woke up eager to try something new. In the afternoon, I signed up to get trained for this and become one of their representatives. Talk about hasty...

I was stuck in a rut for quite sometime, angrily shaking my fists at them but doing nothing. I kept staying out of fear. Now that I've taken action to set myself free, it's been a rollercoaster ride. Deep inside, I know it'll all work out. I believe it will. I have to believe it will. Going back is not even an option.


Paige said...

The ride has begun, but yet you said you were happy (or at least ok) with it. Even when you have a job to go to, people still get scared-bills, insurance etc. Not knowing where the cheese is is scary. There was a book several years ago, I think the name was "Who moved the Cheese" One of those be flexable motivational books. Short but good. You will be alright when you find your cheese. Take deep breaths & laugh at those who boo you.