September 21, 2006

Tell me who your friends are...

...and I'll tell you who you are.

I've known her for 5 years. I've written about how she made me feel in previous posts (yeah, the one who wants to give up her virginity and also the one who said something about the good wife). Strange enough, she and another friend even went with me and my family to Quebec. By the way, I reread my post on our Quebec trip. It sounded as if I was reporting it, not really sharing how I felt. Why? Because I wasn't in the best of moods then. Mind you, Quebec IS beautiful, but sometimes well...let me tell you why.

She was possessive towards our other friend, the one I introduced to her in the first place. We used to be a triumvirate, celebrating birthdays, holidays, promotions, etc. After I quit my old job, I expected some change of course. But not possessiveness. It annoyed me. It pissed me off, really. It wasn't as if we were in middle school or high school. We're already in our 30s-40s. How stupid is it for her to act that way, but sillier if I made a fuss. SO I didn't make a fuss during the trip. What for? To ruin the entire trip? I promise to go back to Quebec and next time, it'll be more fun.

Last night before I went to sleep, I was still thinking - is it time to let it go? When I woke up this morning, I remembered this pattern of behavior that I've observed in her the five years I've known her. How can I explain this? She makes friends with Gal A. Once they're close, Gal A will then introduce her to Gal A's other friends. She then befriends Gal A's other friends. Eventually, she proclaims she's better friends with them than Gal A. Strangely, Gal A's other friends start shying away from Gal A, while getting closer to her.

Did I actually expect me to be an exception? I don't think so.

This leads me to conclude that:
1. she can't make friends on her own. She relies on her more sociable friends to develop her circle.
2. she can't be friends with a lot of people without feeling possessive.
3. she hardly introduced me to any of HER "close" friends, no matter how much they want to meet me (based on her stories).

I was so wrapped up in my work misery that even if I was already observing how she was, all I could think of was leaving. I knew how she was. It wasn't as if I was unaware. I didn't want to be this narrowminded person who only hangs out with like-minded people.

However, I have been contemplating my friendship with this person for quite sometime now. Being friends with her doesn't feel healthy anymore. She only gets what she can learn from you, but doesn't offer anything back. The things she has told me, I let pass (big mistake). When I think about it, a good friend wouldn't even be saying such things. You tease friends, you joke, you kid. But malice is something that doesn't go undetected. I'm not slow. I made the stupid choice though, of letting her get away with her stupid statements.

Today I learned a new term - defriend, the process of removing someone from your roster of friends. The actual process doesn't require much drama. Even a simple disappearing act will do.

There's more to this than I can write here. Perhaps I'll elaborate on future posts. But right now, as of tonight, enough is enough. She's a prime candidate for defriending. The trip to Quebec was the last straw.
Thursday, September 21, 2006Cecilia1 comment


Paige said...

This is sad.
My friends-none-zip-zero. There are 3 ladies I would go out of my to help if I could. But I think only 1 or 2 of them would do the same for me. I don't like all the maintanence so many women seem to require. I don't do well will giggle fests or all going to go pee together. I pefer honesty & am that way, so I don't tell little white lies well & as you may know that makes people in general angry. I don't do much gossip & don't tell secrets. I am one of those folks you either like or hate; and most just tolerate me.