October 21, 2006

Finally, I can talk about what happened

My dad was discharged from the hospital last Thursday. Finally.

No matter how many people say bypass surgeries are routine nowadays, it still scared the hell out of me. Imagine the extent of invasiveness! Tsk tsk. Nevertheless, he's now staying in our eldest sister's house together with our mom. It's better for him as they get to stay in the first floor with their own bathroom. The family room is close by so even the tv is accessible.

So now I can tell you about the horrible thing that transpired while my dad was being operated on.

We thought our dad's surgery would be at 12 noon, Thursday the 12th. That was what the surgeon told our mom. Since our mom's been sleepless and quite stressed, we thought of bringing her back to CT the night before our dad's surgery, something our dad agreed to. The next day, we were off to Manhattan and of course, got stuck in a traffic jam. To our surprise, my mom received a call from my aunt that our dad was already being wheeled to the operating room (it wasn't even 11 am then). There was silence in the van as we all knew we wouldn't see him before his operation. We were right.

When we finally got to the Cardiac Surgery ICU, the nurse was surprised that we were there and apologized that we didn't get to see our dad. Then we saw our aunts and uncle who were all so upset. Anyway, we all found our way to church, attended Mass and then went back to the Cardiac ICE waiting room. My eldest sister, my mom, an aunt, an uncle and yours truly was waiting in the Cardiac Surgery ICU waiting room. Two other aunts came and started ranting away.

They don't think we love our dad as we don't care about him. We don't care about him because we missed seeing him before he went for surgery. Plus, whatever happened to him was our fault as we allowed him to get sick - we never even brought him to the "proper" doctors. They said that they see the big picture - that we love our mom more than our dad - to which I replied, "You're looking at the wrong picture then". Their conclusion? We prefer our mom to our dad because we brought her back to CT with us and of course, that they care more for our dad than we do.

My eldest sister, who is normally the ever-smiling easygoing sort, came to our defense. I actually felt proud of her for standing up to them, like watching Simba walk up Pride Rock to assume his role as the rightful king of Pride Lands. I wanted to cheer. Our earlier agreement was that we would say nothing if we hear anything from them, but their attacks were so below the belt that I was glad my sister actually answered back.

Surprisingly, I was the mediator, trying to stop them from being silly. Eventually, I yelled "enough!" to shut them all up. It was not the right place. It wasn't the right time. My goodness, my dad was being operated on at that very moment and there they were accusing and attacking us. Our aunts ended up slinking away. Days after that, they continued snubbing us as if we were in the wrong. They kind of, sort of apologized to my mom. Pasensiya na lang daw, which to me, was not really a serious apology. But to us? Nothing.

I've never been a big fan of my relatives. If at all, I'm indifferent towards them. I hardly go to family get-togethers and when I go, I don't stay too long. The weird thing is, now I feel MORE indifferent towards them, if that's possible. Wala na nga ako'ng ka-amor-amor sa kanila, pwede pa pala'ng lumala. Tsk tsk.

We found kindness and support from those who are not blood relatives. My husband's family were constantly texting and asking how they can help. My brother-in-law's family opened their house to us so we can stay closer to the hospital, instead of driving to and fro CT everyday. Other people were constantly e-mailing and texting just to see how our dad was and how we were all doing. These acts of kindness actually meant a lot to us during those trying and tiring times.

It would be horrible if my dad ever finds out how his siblings treated us during his operation. But I think he ought to know. Just not now, maybe sometime in the future.


Lei said...

I'm glad your dad's gotten better. ^^

My siblings and I are facing those same, exact accusations from my father's Batangas clan.

Right now we're just ironing out the details to take care of the rest of my dad's medication, then it's "adios!" to Batangas -- they won't see us there anymore.

That's one less province to worry about every Christmas. ^^

Cez said...

Thanks. How is your dad, by the way? How many medicines is he taking?

Anyway, isn't it sad that our blood relatives are treating us this way? It's supposed to be the time for family unity. Oh well.

Paige said...

Ya know what I tell my kids...
When someone is attacking, teasing or making fun of them, it makes the bully feel better about themselves.
It is one way to make that part of your family NOT GUILTY of anything.
You (nor anyone else) can control your life Fully. That lays with a higher being.
For me that is God.
Know that you have done the right things, feel the right way & will be the right person before God & let the rest roll off your back.

Think of it as satan poking you with a stick, just so he can laugh when your feelings get hurt and you cry or better; Let him bring you down to his level and let him make you angry & full of hate.
Be the right person. May peace cover you & yours

Meikah said...

Cecil, glad that your Dad is OK, now. I do hope you will be able to patch things up with your fraternal relatives. Easy to say, I know. Take care!