December 11, 2006

How disappointing

I left the office feeling disappointed. I spend so much time with other people. So much of my working hours. They act nice when in front of me, yet the moment I turn my back, it all changes. I'm not expecting them to be in a perpetual nice mode. But the backstabbing?

The sad thing is, the backstabbers are all stabbing one another's backs. When I have my office door open, I can hear them. Trying to whisper but not really. Talking in hushed tones, I suppose, about this person or that person in the office.

Sometimes I want to figure out what makes these people act the way they do. I try to rise above the constant griping. I try to avoid listening to the backstabbing. It's all too mean and catty. What good does it do?

Even the holiday season is not enough to put other people in the holiday spirit. They're cranky. Sometimes they even try to use me as their shock absorber, whether I like it or not. An officemate spends most of her working time on the phone yelling at her mother. Another person would drop by and tell me about her dad who was in the hospital. She said that I'm in the only one who'd sympathize. I end up thinking, "well, when I'd try to talk to you when MY dad was in the hospital, you were always busy." Then again, to say something like that is not really something I'd do. Maybe when I was younger, but now? I look at it as choosing my battles wisely. My husband says I've gone soft. We're probably both right.

I've been keeping the door to my office closed for the past few days now. Some things, I don't really want to hear. I don't want to be a part of. I really just want to stay inside, do the work I'm supposed to, and leave for the day.