April 29, 2009

"The Caged Bird" post

My sister Lani's post "The Caged Bird" made think so hard about me and my own marriage that I even discussed it with my other sister Lynn. Which led me to write this post that somehow didn't get published until now.

Was I obsessed with finding true love? I've always been a romantic optimist (the opposite of a pragmatic pessimist?). So honestly, perhaps I was. I believe in love. But I wasn't such a romantic that all I wanted to do was get married. Not really. Even when I found the one who seemed the right fit, getting married was still something I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. I had things to do. But when he proposed, there wasn't any other answer, but yes. I mean, I KNEW I'd marry him anyway. I just wasn't worrying about it then. But since he asked (and the question didn't particularly have an expiration date), of course the answer was yes.

Getting married is easy. Staying married and committed to and yes, staying friends with the one you choose to marry is the tricky part.

I admit, getting married is one of the good decisions I made. I am, by nature, a commitment-phobe. But being with my husband wasn't a commitment I feared. It was just something that felt inevitable. Yikes, that sounded really hokey, but it's true.

I still look forward to hanging out with him. I still look forward to spending time with him. We laugh alike now. Someone even asked us lately if we were siblings (creepy, but oh well). Sometimes I fear that hanging out with him is too entertaining that it's easy for me not to hang out with other people.

Does he feel the same way I do? Ask him. I don't pretend to know how he thinks.

Has it always been this smooth-sailing? Of course not. I've been married for almost eight years to the man I've been with for 14 years. Have I reached that stage of disillusionment some women seem to reach? No.

Perhaps me constantly saying "I want to get married again. We should have a vow renewal" indicates I'm not at that stage. You know what? It's not a bad stage to be in.