August 10, 2009

The nature of regrets

Pardon my attempts at being insightful lately. With everything that's happening, I am once again pulled into ponder mode. As I said in my earlier post "Good grief" about, well, grief, "Sometimes it is caused by regrets - things you did or didn't do. Some people mourn for what they had; others, for what they never had, but could've been." That's how regrets are born.

At some point in our lives, we get entangled in situations that are hard to disengage from. There are ties that bind us, no matter how much we want to be unbound. Then there are situations where the ties that bind seem so flimsy and delicate; it's like a house of cards. Here today, gone tomorrow. I've been feeling the difference between the two lately. There are some people in my life that just won't go away like a bad mosquito bite. They needle and wheedle. It'll take more than a bug spray to get them off me. Then there are those who come and go. They care. Some of them probably even care too much. They don't stop caring, but they can't stay. They're not supposed to stay (or at least that's what they say).

Sometimes I want to shake some sense into the people concerned. To the toxic people, I want to say "just get the hell outta my life. I don't want to have anything to do with you ANYMORE. You can exist somewhere else, just not in my life." To the shooting stars, "you want to stay. You know you do. Don't go." Because once they're gone, there will be days when I wonder if they were real.

In both situations, when we finally are able to disengage, we swear to high heavens that there's no turning back. No going back. The end. Fini. Adios, amigo.

But you want to know the truth, the honest, stinking truth? Some days you'll find yourself traveling that well-worn path, that memory lane, and you'll wonder why you did what you did. Yes, even with the toxic people. It's simply how the mind works.