January 8, 2010

What's a best friend to me?

As you all know, I've been defriending people lately - those who I deemed not worthy in one way or another. At the same time, I've been busy keeping my end of the friendship deal with those who remain my friends to this day. After all, I defriended people to make way for better friendships. What's the point in hanging on to something that wasn't healthy? Hold on to the good stuff, let go of the bad.

Now, it's easy to assume one only has one best friend, right? After all, it is supposed to be the best. But I beg to disagree. There are friends that aren't merely good friends. It would be odd to call them better friends. I can't also call them my most excellent friends. What the heck would that mean? Instead of straddling those weird lines that separate good/better/best, sometimes they simply are best friends. Period. Not sure if I explained it well, but oh well.

Now, here are the characteristics of my best friends (not listed in any particular order).

- Trust is not simply manifested by having a friend keep your secrets. It's knowing they won't stab you in the back and leave you for dead when push comes to shove.

Honest - I don't need a sycophant, nor do I want to be one. Call a spade a spade and we'll get along.

- Not in it for anything. Drawn to me for who I am, not what I am or what I own.

- Of course we all want friends who'll be around when times are tough. Or even when you're at your worst. Not a lot of people are around though. There's a limit to what people will hang around for.

- I love to laugh. Even better, I love having a good laugh with a friend. But not at someone's expense.

Positive and non-toxic
- Feels good about themselves, without constantly seeking my approval or constantly competing with me. I like those with a healthy dose of self-esteem (of course there are moments of doubt, everyone has them, but it shouldn't be a constant thing). That way, there'll be no smothering. When it borders on arrogance, it's a different matter though. I'll kick your ass.

- Because I am. I can force my opinions on others easily, and I'm aware of that. But I wouldn't be respecting the person's ability to decide for themselves if I did that. So yes, being decisive is great. I need someone who has a strong sense of self - who knows who they are, how they are, what they stand for, yet not so rigid that they want to impose their ideas on me. I've got my own mind. I'll use it, thank you very much.

I'm not a big fan of "birds of the same feather flock together". I don't have to think the same way as my friends, but as long as the core values and principles align, then it's all good.

If you know the '80s movie "Pretty in Pink", then here's a quote I really like from the movie: "If somebody doesn't believe in me, I can't believe in them."

And that is how I define my best friends.