March 18, 2010

Stiff upper lip

Ours was never the touchy-feely sort of family when I was growing up.

So now, sometimes I find myself acting all uncomfortable and fidgety when friends tell me that they miss me and/or they love me. Mind you, it's not because I don't think I'm lovable or worthy of love. I don't have THAT issue.

Here's the thing: I don't have any problems telling other people that I miss them, and even how I love them to bits. Sometimes I imagine they run screaming holy hell out on the streets (you never know with people, right?) because I tell them so often. Anyway, my problem is with hearing them tell me these things. OK, it's not so much a problem, just a cause for concern, strange enough to merit my attention and hopefully, positive action.

In typical Cecilia fashion, I know it's something I need to work on. I suppose it matches my personality. I'm used to giving, but not receiving. Receiving anything from others – gifts, compliments, even a simple thank you, etc. – tend to make me feel ill at ease. All the while I'm thinking, and sometimes even saying out loud, "but you shouldn't have!" Because in my mind, they really shouldn't have.

But I recognize that in anything, it takes two to tango. You can't give love without getting love in return. I'm not doing them any favors by stopping them from saying what is, in fact, true to how they feel. If truth be told, I should be grateful to have people in my life who are as expressive of their appreciation for me as I am with them.


... Paige said...

it's nice to be missed, you are a lucky lady

Cecilia said...

It's even nicer when people tell you.