April 29, 2010

No expectations, no disappointment, right?

It's easier to keep things to myself than to share with others and get disappointed by them. Does that sound stupid?

OK, so I know any burden is supposed to become lighter when shared with other people. Does it mean the more, the merrier? Like, the more people you share the burden with, the lighter you'll feel? Now, after sharing your burden with other people, is it purely for information purposes sans expectations? Or is it to give them the chance to rise up to the occasion? Is that how it works?

I confess, I've shared what's going on health-wise with certain friends of mine. Still not all of them, though. Some are behaving admirably - expressing their concern by calling, texting, IMing and checking up on me. And I really appreciate the time and effort they exert. Sadly, one or two failed miserably. Still giving them the benefit of the doubt, of course.

I realize that my personality does not handle disappointment all too well. In fact, I think I became the way I am to avoid dealing with disappointment. For instance, my birthday could be right around the corner. When asked about what birthday gift I want, I'd rather be asked than to let people guess what I want. I'm aware people aren't mind readers. However, it gets tricky because instead of telling people what I want, I'd go out and get it myself. To spare them the hassle and inconvenience. So there's nothing much to say because I would've bought what I wanted already.

In this case, keeping the information to myself and my loved ones is my way of not getting disappointed in people. I know the people I love are dependable. They'll be there. They know when to ask questions and when to stop asking. But with other friends, honestly, a part of me didn't want to tell them. I didn't want to get disappointed in them. If I knew that they know what's going on and they're not even making an effort to check out how I'm doing, I'd feel bad - at myself for expecting and at them for not living up to my expectations. Yes, it's not fair. But I'm human and what's more, I'm honest about how I feel.

The thing is, if they had some crazy thing going on with them health-wise, I KNOW I'd be there for them. Come on, in this day and age, it's so darn easy to keep in touch, even a simple text, IM or e-mail would suffice. But at the end of the day, I'm me and they're them. I gotta take the good with the bad. After all, everyone's got their own issues and problems to deal with. The world doesn't revolve around me.


... Paige said...

for some folks (on a subconsious level) human frailty and body sickness brings them too close to suffering. It may be better for them to ignore the problem then acknowlege it

---What elephant? I don't see no elephant.---

hang in there not everyone

Cecilia said...

Good point, Paige. For some people, it's easier to look away and pretend things are alright. Not that it makes things go away.

Your comment was cut short. Feel free to continue your comment. I'd love to read the rest.