June 4, 2010

would've been, could've been

I got an e-mail from this former high school classmate the other day. Just one line: "Wish I wasn't so whacked out in high school, we would really have been good friends."

I don't know what made her write that. I admit though, it made me feel good. Actually, her e-mail made me laugh out loud. Here's one person who regrets not being my friend. Of course, the thought that followed was, "while the other people who I've been a good friend to are busy taking me for granted." I know, I know...must not think that way. Bad Cez.

If there's anything I pride myself in, I'm a good friend. Whether or not the person deserves it. For the longest time, it didn't matter that my friends weren't exactly acting like good friends to me. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I thought that their bad behavior will go away if I continue being such a good friend. Of course it didn't work out that way. I learned my lesson eventually. Thus, the friends I have now survived my decluttering and defriending exercise.

Anyway, her e-mail reminded me of the book "Vital Friends" given to me by our good friend James. The book identified the eight types of friends (Builder, Champion, Collaborator, Companion, Connector, Energizer, Mind Opener and Navigator). I read and re-read it many times, but never used the online Vital Friends Assessment tool until today ("The Vital Friends Assessment is a series of 65 statements per friend. Each statement is timed. You will have 20 seconds to make a choice, so trust your top-of-mind response.").

Admittedly, I'm more the qualitative rather than the quantitative type. So imagine my surprise with the results. I ended up e-mailing the results to friends whose friendships I assessed. It told me what roles my friends play in my life...obviously, based on how I view their roles in my life.

Result? My close friends are mostly the Energizer, Mind Opener and Champion types. Some are Navigators and Builders. One Collaborator. One Companion. I don't have any Connector friends at all. Simply put, I like people who are fun, open-minded and supportive. I don't necessarily make friends for networking purposes.

Now I wonder what criteria that former classmate would've fallen into had we ended up good friends.

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