August 7, 2013

Humming the same tune

Back in 2008, I wrote this blog post "To Them Who Caused Me a Lot of Grief".

Five years later, I feel the same way again. Didn't I learn anything from that time?

* * * * *

April 29, 2008

Leave me alone. I beg of you. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. I made it clear THAT day. But you won't let me go. I don't understand why. It's not as if we uttered unbreakable wedding vows. I did that before with my husband, not with all of you.

Stop calling me.
Stop e-mailing me.
Stop expecting me to come back. 

Take my final statement as exactly that.

A person can only take so much. Even I, who is known in my family to be the one who shouldn't be crossed as I won't let anyone get away with it, has shown far too much patience with all of you. And it's not because you lot treated me any better. As if YOU deserved better. I don't have anything more to give to all of you. I don't WANT to give anything to all of you anymore. You've taken what you can, what you could. You got more than you deserved.

I don't want to be a firefighter anymore. I don't want to deal with crises that aren't really crises. I'm tired of babysitting everyone. I'm tired of being everything to everyone. I'm tired of being the go-to person for everyone, but when I need help, no one can help. I was so nice, kind and helpful that eventually, everyone just kept tugging at me in all directions.

I tried not to be a victim of the circumstance. I always thought help would be given when I'd ask for it. But, sadly, it didn't happen that way. It never happened that way. I got sick - the sickest I've been in a long time. Was I expecting at least a "get well soon, bugger" from you lot? Of course. Did I get it? Yes, followed by unacceptable paragraphs.

I can only be me to me. Right now. I should be kind to myself. I should take care of myself. 

Everything has a time, place and phase. My time in your place at this phase of my life is over. I'm done with it. I choose to start anew.

I say to you now, NO MORE.