Anyway, trying acupuncture is possibly one of the best things during this vacation. I went for my second session today, and I actually fell asleep. Afterwards, whatever ailed me seemed to have subsided. I'll try to look for an acupuncturist when I get back. My dad's going with me on Monday for a session because he's curious about it. We also ate lunch at Wooden Spoon in Katipunan, then headed home.
Tonight, I realized that this trip has been more enlightening than I thought possible.
For starters, those who want to spend time with me did spend time with me. Spur of the moment? Hell yeah. With some people, I even saw them more than once! I really, truly appreciate that, so if you read this and you know it's you, well, please accept my deep gratitude. It means a lot to me. Friends truly are gifts you give to yourself (so choose wisely). I love my gifts.
The shingles? Sure, I cried from the itch and pain, but in a way, it was a good thing too. Made me focus on me finally. I've been under so much stress for more than a year, going on vacation seemed the solution. BUT I've kept my schedule so busy, it became an escape from facing my issues. Spending one week at home holed up in my room gave me the solitude I needed, but I probably need more. Note to self: find time with my thoughts.
Honestly, I don't even have a clue how to begin unraveling the mind f*** that happened to me. All I know is, I'm definitely glad that I got of a bad situation. Took me awhile to do so, but I did it. That's what matters. Realizing you're in a bad situation, weighing the pros and cons, and if the cons outweigh the pros, deciding to get the hell out.
I've been indecisive by choice since I quit my work. While working there, it felt like there were many things on my plate that constantly required my decision and/or action every single day. I really got worn down by it. :( So with this trip, I decided to stop being decisive and just wing it. Now I know why some people go around being indecisive. Turns out there is much joy in not being in control, not knowing what's going to happen, not deciding and planning everything in advance.
Will I stay this way for long? Maybe, maybe not. I guess I have the time to stay this way in the meantime. Just to see how far I can take it, so I can figure out my own middle ground.
Lastly, if someone makes you feel like nothing, then make something of yourself. If it affects you, if it struck a nerve, then it means that you yourself feel that way. Remember, no one can make you feel that way except you. But just because you feel like nothing doesn't mean you're nothing. You've got people who love you and support you, no matter what.
Go out there, find what you're looking for, and grab it by the collar. You deserve all the good in life. Fortune favors the brave. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Speak your truth. Take chances.
That's a reminder for all of us.