While chatting with my sister Lani last night, she suggested that perhaps there are too many things in my head. Possibly true. I keep things in my head, which is why I'm blogging again - just to get it out of my head and recorded somewhere. She also suggested that I try acupuncture. I'll look into that later today. Hopefully, it will help with the pain.
One word that describes how I've been feeling since getting diagnosed - helpless. I suppose anyone who gets diagnosed for anything feels that way, right? There's a lot of information out there - some, helpful; others, freak-out-inducing. I've been on a roller-coaster of emotions not knowing what to expect, and when I found out what to expect, I worry...which isn't good for shingles. I don't want people to get sick because of me.
I'm trying my best to enjoy my solitude and quiet my mind. I was going to write in my journal, but blogging seems the easier way to do it. I've been feeling sorry for myself too, which leads to me to push people away. Yep, for some bizarre reason, issues with rejection, disappointment and other crazy things are surfacing. Guess it's a good time as any to get rid of or at least deal with toxic thoughts.
Being on vacation and getting sick isn't really fun. I realize how I have fun isn't really sustainable. I throw all my energy - sleeping be damned - and just go, go, go like an Energizer bunny. But since I've been on vacation for more than a month now, my energy is bound to get depleted. Let's also not forget, I was taking methylprednisone for my asthma, which lowers immunity. I was a sitting duck for something, though I've to admit, I didn't think it would be something quaint like shingles.
OMG, light-bulb moment! How I have fun and how I work is very much the same! I throw all my energy into either work or play, no middle ground. It's the same with my friendships - either I'm all in or not into it at all! Now, I probably have realized that before, and if I did, then I probably forgot all about it. Too bad.
Anyway, the sun's out. I woke up early to take my first dose of aciclovir (out of 5 doses) for the day. Guess it's time to head back to bed. Here's hoping for a less itchy, less painful day ahead. *crosses fingers*