It's not my story anymore

I've got different groups of friends from different phases of my life. I don't think the groups overlap because they hardly get to meet. Today, I realized that each group knows things about me that the other groups don't.

Does that make me a less-than-forthright person? Should my life be an open book to each group? With each group, they shared my experiences at that point in time when we hung out often together. Of course, whatever they think of me and what I think of them is based largely on our experiences then.

That's why in each group, I seem to play a different role. To my high school friends, I'm the techie, suplada and mataray person who they avoid rubbing the wrong way. I'm nice as nice can be, but if you piss me off, well, takot sila'ng galitin ako dahil hindi ako aatras.

It's not that I try to forget my past by not sharing everything with every single friend I have. If I didn't share something with them, I just don't want it to be a big part of my life story anymore. ESPECIALLY if it's a bad experience. It's not as if you forget the bad stuff that happens to you. You don't. But to live in it constantly prevents you from moving on. I dislike people who act victimized. I myself don't like getting victimized. I also don't like acting like a victim. After all, I'm only a victim for as long as I allow myself to be one.

It's my story and it'll be the best story that I'll ever know. :)

"She makes me happy"

My friend and I were discussing her nephew the other day. Curious, I went to check the boy's FB profile. Came across a photo of him with his girlfriend. Caption: "She makes me happy."

In four words, this 18-year-old boy summarized what's important when you're with someone. You can be with someone you love, but if you or the other person's not happy, when the bad days outweigh the good, then something's wrong. It comes down to what's important - love and happiness. If you love the person and the person loves you back, if being together makes the two of you sublimely happy, then that's all that matters.

In and out's not so easy

The Philippines has long been adamant about promoting tourism. It IS a beautiful country. What I don't get is why no one's trying to improve the infrastructure to support the influx of people. It needs to be upgraded NOW. Let's begin with the airport, shall we?

Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) Terminal 1. I've been flying in and out of NAIA ever since it was Manila International Airport. I wish I can say it has changed much, but not really. During our last trip, arriving there was a nightmare. The airport was hot. I know that the Philippines is a tropical country, but please...we'll experience soon enough that it's hot outside.

As we were heading out the plane, NAIA employees greeted us. What were they doing there? Shouldn't they be working instead? Or is that part of their job description? Goodness knows, we don't need greeters. We're tired. We just want to get through immigration, get our luggages, get past customs and head out. If there's time, maybe grab a quick bite. Welcome us with your comfortable airport facilities. That's all.

Immigration? A nightmare. The long lines, even when we arrived past midnight, was hard to understand. We came home during the holiday season, but something has to be done about the lines. After we got our luggages, going past customs was a breeze, so excellent on that.

Heading out, I felt cheerful at what I thought was a semblance of order amidst the chaos. Depending on your last name, you go either on the left ramp or the right ramp. Is there a difference? Turns out, NOT MUCH. Either way, you end up where the greeters are. What's the logic behind it? I have no clue. As you reach the bottom of the ramp, you see a THRONG of people, a sea of faces out there. Was it overwhelming? Most definitely. I remember backing off and then going back again. I had to take a deep breath before joining the fray.

There were security people who kept whistling and whistling no end. You'd seriously have to cover your ears. It didn't really make the traffic flow faster. It added noise to the already noisy din - cars honking, people talking and yelling. Heaven help us. By the time you leave the airport, chances are, you've lost hearing temporarily.

On the day we left the country, I was irritated yet again by the terminal fee, otherwise known as the "Airport User's Charge". Ever heard of this in any airport you've flown out of? Only in the Philippines. You'll see the breakdown of this charge on the right. PD1957 and EO 030 seem both worrisome and hilarious to me.

Let's put it this way, NAIA is 30 years old. It has not aged well. Sure, they can promote its retro vibe, but seriously, it's just stuck in some time warp. I know fixing it up will take a lot of money. But it'll be a good investment. Just don't get lazy and do cosmetic changes when the airport sadly needs more than that. The Diosdado Macapagal (Clark) International Airport is already a far better, though infinitely smaller, airport than NAIA. If you can do it there, then go for it with NAIA. After all, your first impression of a country comes from your experience at the airport upon arrival.

Focus on the facilities that travelers use most in airports - restrooms, relaxing seats and restaurants.

That way, it'll be more fun to arrive in the Philippines.

Unanimous

After 20 days in the Philippines, we're back.

On the day of our return flight, while at the airport, I started bawling like a baby, tears streaming down my cheeks. I hugged my mom. Then my sister Lynn clapped me on the back, told me to "man up" and we hugged as well. We bid them goodbye, and I continued crying. We passed the first security checkpoint with me in tears. During luggage check-in, I was still weeping. Tears stopped, replaced by mild annoyance when it was time to pay the infernal terminal fee (what the heck is that terminal fee really about?). While waiting for boarding, I texted friends like crazy before I officially turned off the cellphone I was using in the Philippines.

As you can tell, 20 days in the Philippines is still not enough. It was a whirlwind of activity once again. I can't share all of them here (too long a story), but here are the highlights.

There was the wedding. My dark orange gown rocked big time. We all thought that we'd dance the night away, but didn't. The next day, it was off to Boracay where we stayed at La Reserve. This time around, we actually went to the water (I'm not really a waterbaby). When we got back to Manila, we went to Nueva Ecija to visit a distant relative who was hospitalized lately. We made her cry though. She didn't know that we were in the country, much more, that we were visiting her in her house. It was one surprise that I enjoyed doing for her.

Met the rest of my mom-in-law's side for the first time. God bless them all, they're down-to-earth people. I hung out with my husband's younger cousins (younger as in 25+ years old), and I like them!

My sister's weighing scale had me panicked - it said I gained back in one week the weight I lost. A weigh-in using a different scale told me otherwise, tempting me to throw my sister's scale out the window (I didn't).

Got the chance to meet with friends from different periods of my life. Finally told them how the work situation's been here in the U.S. Their votes were unanimous - go back. They'll help me find a good job. The great thing is, I have friends who work in various fields. The bad thing is, I'd need a work visa or employment certification of sorts. I got alternately praised and scolded when my work life was discussed. They have such faith in my abilities, yet they wouldn't hesitate in telling me when I'm wasting my life away. Only goes to show you what good friends they are.

Had a blast hanging out with our U.P. friends on Christmas eve. Gran Matador Brandy, anyone? We downed one bottle before 6 a.m. and lived to tell the happy tale. We thought of going to U.P. for breakfast at Rodic's or even jogging around the academic oval, but it didn't happen. Come to think of it, just for this group of friends alone, it'll be worthwhile to go back to the Philippines. Add the others and all I can say is "oh my!"

Lastly, I had the chance to see how my mom and sister's daily routine goes. We were part of it for a short time, too short a time. I enjoyed staying in their house, going out for breakfast and/or lunch, even buying groceries. Finally met my sister's boyfriend. Yeah, we like him. *thumbs up*

All in all, this trip exceeded my expectations big time. Back in 2009, I fell in love again with the Philippines despite its obvious flaws and quirks (traffic!). That feeling never really went away. Like falling in love with someone, you take the good with the bad with the hope that the good outweighs the bad. Yes, I love the Philippines. I also love the U.S. As it is, I'm not even conflicted about my love for the two countries. It just is. I love them both. If there was a way to combine what I love from both countries into one place, that would be fantastic. I'd move to that place in a heartbeat.

Merry Christmas to everyone!

It's early morning on Christmas Day as I write this post.

Our friends left awhile ago. We had a mini get-together at my parents' place. Everyone really did a great job, especially my mom, my sister Lynn and her boyfriend.

For the longest time, it felt like I needed an energy pack à la "Mafia Wars". Tonight, I've had my fill.

Thank you for family and friends.

Be Thankful 1st

It's finally the first of December 2011. Wow. Just like that. *snaps fingers*

Since it's the first of the new yet last month, I thought I'd blog about gratitude. A belated Thanksgiving post of sorts about stuff I'm grateful for right now. THIS VERY MOMENT.

I'm thankful for:

Family. My side. His side. Everyone came together and pitched in, so we can go home this month. We almost didn't go - $2,000 per person airfare was no laughing matter. We didn't want to charge it to our credit cards either. We want those paid off. But it was a wedding, a family get-together, after all. I was willing to stay behind while my husband goes home. But no. I was told that I should be there. It's a family thing. Every possible expense we'll rack up that's wedding-related was a non-issue. Someone was going to take care of it. Yeah, even my gown, hair and makeup. My side, his side - everyone made sure that they covered all bases, leaving me no room to say no. I've always found it easy to be generous to others, but being on the receiving end of other people's generosity is something that makes me feel iffy. This time around, I learned to accept what's offered with a grateful heart and spirit. With such generosity from family, how can I continue to say no? I learned that not accepting other people's generosity is itself a selfish act.

My professors. This semester was challenging, way too challenging. Even better, they're supportive of what I can do. When I express to them what I can't do, they push me to try it. They push me out of my comfort level. Then it turns out, I can actually do a pretty good job of it. Here's a sample of my video work (yeah, I haven't done video in AGES, so this was challenging). What's more, when I told them that I'd miss the final classes since I'm going to the Philippines, their response? "Of course that's not a problem." "It's family. You have to be there." "You actually thought of not going?" "You can't miss it. What will your in-laws say?" Last statement made me laugh.

New friends. I started school back in August, not knowing anyone in class. I remember the first session or two, the classroom was so quiet. Everyone typed away at their laptops, not talking to one another. Now, our professors have to announce, "ahem, ahem! We're glad you guys like discussing things together but class is about to start."

Varied work experiences. This year, I found myself working different jobs. Met really nice folks (as well as the odd cranky one). Some jobs, I really liked, but it's too bad that they really didn't pay much. Others made me realize that yes, I do have values that I stand up for...then promptly left. I realize the economy's still crappy, so I'm just really thankful for getting these assignments.

Reconciliation. Not sure how this one came about, but surprisingly, some relationships of mine are healing - relationships that I really didn't have much hope in and honestly, gave up on. But life is full of surprises. I've always said that when people exert effort in maintaining some form of contact with me, I'll reciprocate. So that's what I'm doing.

I realize people have different motivations in their lives. Mine's so simple that it seems funny. Love is the fuel that keeps me going.

I'm thankful for the people who I love and who loves me in return.

Thanksgiving - my 3rd favorite holiday

The first two being Christmas and New Year's Eve/Day.

What do I like about Thanksgiving?

It's all-encompassing. Whatever your religion is, you can celebrate Thanksgiving.

Businesses shut down. Well...except places that do Black Friday specials that start the night before.

It's family time sans the materialism that seems to come with Christmas.

Hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving!

"BOATLIFT, An Untold Tale of 9/11 Resilience"

This video was shown to us in class. What an amazing story.

11/11/11

"‎~ The Meaning 0f 11.11.11 ~

"All over the world people will gather in ceremonies, rituals, meditations or prayers on November 11th. They will come together in homes, coliseums, sacred centers, holy or ancient sites, and in small and large groups. They will use sound, breath, instruments, or visualization to invoke an outpouring of energetic and spiritual light. Their collective intentions are to seed the atmosphere in and around the world that will bring peace, harmony, and balanced living for today's children as well as for future generations yet to come to earth.

"So why is the date significant, and what's so important about this series of repetitive numbers on our calendars? Because 11.11.11, is the eleventh time since January 1st 2001 (1.1.1) that a date representing a month, day or year, repeats itself on the calendar. Because the numbers repeat three times, the date creates a visual marker not only on the calendar but also in human consciousness. It's a rare occurrence that will not come again for one hundred years. Interestingly, in that span of time, four generations will be born, will live out their lives, and will die. Most may never realize why the dates are important or what they mean.


"The Meaning of the Numbers 11.11.11

"To all appearances, the date 11.11.11 is simply a month, day and year on a physical calendar. But there is a transcendental aspect about the vibration of numbers that we seldom consider. Each of the sequence of repetitive dates on the calendar (1.1.1, 2.2.2, 3.3.3 through 12.12.12) hold a unique meaning and power based on symbolic numerological interpretations. But the numbers 11.11.11 are particularly significant. The number 1 represents the Creator-God, the masculine energy setting itself into the outer world, creating new beginnings. When that number 1 resonates and repeats itself, it becomes 11 which is a "Master Vibration Number" that means The Spiritual Messenger. It is the messenger that brings revelation and inspiration from a higher plain. This spiritual vibration is the architect of brotherly love on a grand or global scale.

"The power of the number is even more intensified this year because on November 11, 2011 (11.11.11) the number resonates three times as a "Master Triune Number." Due to the rarity of its occurrence on the calendar, a high frequency master triune number has the ability, through its visible nature, to open a palpable awareness in each of us. As the collective consciousness of individuals becomes more familiar with it, the refined energy behind the visible awakens and speaks to our souls. That activity opens a portal or a doorway causing a discernible sound deep inside that represents the Divine Spirit awakening in each of us. We hear that calling on different sensory levels and respond to it - though all that was visible was a date on the calendar proclaiming 11.11.11.


"The Year 2011

"Though the focus is on 11.11.11, the year 2011 should be addressed. In numerology, the year 2011 is a 4 (2+1+1=4). 4 represents form, foundation, and structure. It is spirit manifest into matter, or those things that bring everything "down to earth." 2011 is a turning point year where the Divine creative spirit, represented by 11.11.11, sets the foundation for what is to transpire in 2012 - the next generational surge of humanity and the beginning of the new Mayan Long Count Calendar. We are fortunate to be alive at the beginning of the 21st Century, witnessing one of those once every 100 year decades (2001-2012) where consciousness has been elevated enough so that the repetitive dates can be recognized and celebrated. That is the ultimate power and magnificence of the date: 11.11.11.


"How and Where to Celebrate 11.11.11

"We however, are fortunate to be alive at the beginning of the 21st century, witnessing one of those once every 100 year decades (2001 - 2012) of calendar-repetitive dates. Because 2011 is the last full year before the launch of the end of the Mayan Long Count calendar of 2012, spiritual leaders, teachers, and visionaries have elected to hold 11.11.11 sacred. On this vortex date, when so many are attuned to it, it's easier to summon groups to ceremonies that uplift spiritually and that create a consciousness of global communion, harmony and peace.

"Gatherings are set in places all around the world, from Egypt to India, from Peru to Central America. Some are meeting at sacred sites, in civic centers, in concert halls, and still others in smaller groups. There are even internet-connected meditations that will be held online. If you don't know of a ceremony near you, Google 11.11.11 and I'm sure you'll find something.


"The Intentions of the Ceremonies

"These ceremonies are a call to like-minded souls. The call is about becoming one with the vibration of shared intentions so that a magnificent sound, created on behalf of the people of earth, is activated in all of us. This vibration will set into the ether, a geometric pattern through which consciousness will be imprinted long before it is manifested into form. The intention of the gatherings is to seed a strong foundation which will support a raised consciousness in the times to come.

"In this once in 100 years moment in time the opportunity presents itself to transform global and personal consciousness through the sacred resonance of sound, thought and intention. It can become a personal commitment for all those seeking to unite in a large energetic field of conscious awakening. Let us who make the commitment be the vanguard that sets this new earth and new human into the etheric field. Together we'll create the ones we've been waiting for.

Via ~ "Realm of Tranquility"

6

Happy 6th blog birthday, Vanilla-Caramel!

Six years ago, I decided to take the plunge into the world of blogging. Since then, I've had a number of blogs - some are still active thanks to my sisters; others have fallen by the wayside because it doesn't feel relevant anymore. For quite sometime, I felt like Vanilla-Caramel has reached its end. I was barely blogging. If I wasn't going to blog, what's the point of having it? I thought of deleting it, but somehow, I couldn't get around to doing it.

Last September, I changed its look. Maybe a new look will breathe new life into it. Or at least, maybe it will get me to blog again. But I can't let it go. Not yet. Vanilla-Caramel remains my blog baby, despite it being the eldest of the blogs I've had. It has seen me through the ups and downs of my life - nice and quiet times, as well as the dramatic and the tumultuous. Vanilla-Caramel is my little place, my little nook in this vast online world. Sure, there's Facebook and Twitter, but trust me, it's not the same.

So here's to Vanilla-Caramel...live long and prosper. You're still the one blog that feels home to me, and which I'll keep going back to. :) Cheers!