Eulogy for a good man

My father-in-law passed away last year. During the funeral service, my husband was tasked to give a eulogy. I've wanted to post what he said for the longest time, but the timing just didn't seem right. I like how it was written. It explains a lot why my husband is the way he is. Today I asked him if I can post it here. He agreed. So here it is.

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Good morning. Before I begin, I'd like to introduce myself. My name is E-A-, the eldest of four children in our family. Yes, my father and I share the same name. Now I stand here before all of you, friends and relatives, who are here for Papa. Thank you for being here today.

It means that he touched your life in some way or another. That means that you'd miss him in some way or another. Our family is blessed to celebrate the life of this man I am lucky to call my father.

To some, he was an uncle, a cousin, or a brother. To our grandparents, he was a son. To our mother, he was a husband. To all, he was a friend. Still to us, his children, he is a father, our dad and most importantly, our beloved Papa.

Papa taught me a lot of lessons, but allow me to share with you the most important ones.

First, Papa taught me about love. I clearly remember how Papa used to bring Mama to work and pick her up afterwards. This happened during their entire married life, even when his health began to deteriorate. They were happily married for 36 years. He was committed to making her happy. If it was important to her, it was important to him. During his last days, his only concern was for Mama's well-being, not his own impending mortality. Their marriage was love and commitment personified.

Second, Papa taught me about family. Back in the days, my siblings and I were very active in school activities and programs. Guess who was always there wearing that proud smile on his face? Papa with Mama by his side. He never missed a single school activity that we were involved in. He never missed any of our graduations. From Papa, I learned that you are there for the people you love. He kept promises and honored commitments to all of us.

Lastly, Papa taught me about laughter. To those who knew him, you’d know that Papa has a booming voice coupled with an infectious laughter. Even his smile was contagious; it makes you smile back at him, even if you had a bad day at school or work. Dinner time was fun with him joking around at the dinner table to make everyone smile or laugh.

Yes, Papa will be missed.

My mother will miss having her best friend by her side.

I will miss my father, the source of my convictions and my inspiration.

My hero has passed on now. He leaves me and my siblings to carry on the family name. We are proud of him, of all that he was, and all that he would've been. But Papa has been called home.

I am proud to say that of all the roles he played, what he was the best of, in my opinion, was being our Papa.

There is a proverb about stars in heaven. It goes like this: "Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

Papa, I'll be looking at the stars tonight.

Stiff upper lip

Ours was never the touchy-feely sort of family when I was growing up.

So now, sometimes I find myself acting all uncomfortable and fidgety when friends tell me that they miss me and/or they love me. Mind you, it's not because I don't think I'm lovable or worthy of love. I don't have THAT issue.

Here's the thing: I don't have any problems telling other people that I miss them, and even how I love them to bits. Sometimes I imagine they run screaming holy hell out on the streets (you never know with people, right?) because I tell them so often. Anyway, my problem is with hearing them tell me these things. OK, it's not so much a problem, just a cause for concern, strange enough to merit my attention and hopefully, positive action.

In typical Cecilia fashion, I know it's something I need to work on. I suppose it matches my personality. I'm used to giving, but not receiving. Receiving anything from others – gifts, compliments, even a simple thank you, etc. – tend to make me feel ill at ease. All the while I'm thinking, and sometimes even saying out loud, "but you shouldn't have!" Because in my mind, they really shouldn't have.

But I recognize that in anything, it takes two to tango. You can't give love without getting love in return. I'm not doing them any favors by stopping them from saying what is, in fact, true to how they feel. If truth be told, I should be grateful to have people in my life who are as expressive of their appreciation for me as I am with them.

Leave the past behind?

I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt...second and even third chances. Sometimes, my husband scoffs at my undying faith in human nature. Especially when it's just so frickin' hard to see. Of course, I've been burned by this faith in everyone's goodness. But me being me, I HAVE to believe in that goodness; otherwise, what's the point of all this? Seriously. If I think everyone's just bad/worst/worst, then I'd rather just stay in bed and hide under the covers. Spare myself the headache of dealing with them.

When they ask for forgiveness, what do you say? Of course, you'll forgive. Because the worst thing you can do is NOT to forgive. As Giles said in the "I Only Have Eyes for You" episode of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer": "To forgive is an act of compassion, Buffy. It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it."

Put yourself in their place. Imagine asking for forgiveness from someone for your own peace of mind, and not getting it. Forgiving one's self is difficult enough. There's no need for you to make it harder.

Now, when the person still offers no apologies about what they did, when they act as if they did nothing wrong and continue treating you as if you're making a big fuss out of nothing, then that's different. Waaaay different. Because you don't want to be the same idiot who get burned again big time by the same person. As the saying goes, "fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

What's more, I'm not averse to giving people from my past a chance to be in my present life. Some people ARE worth having and keeping in your life. It simply takes awhile to figure out what their roles are. You can give them the same role as before. Or maybe, just maybe, they're due either for a promotion or demotion. It's your call.

A work in progress

We're all finding our way in this world - finding ourselves, finding our own little spot. Along the way, you'll meet people who'll tell you who are you, what you can and can not do, say or think. When you're young, it's alright to listen. An open mind is your best friend. After all, learning in life is a continuous process. But you gather all the wisdom you hear, and then you figure out how life will be for you...how you want to live your life, and what principles and virtues will govern it.

I've reached the point in my life when I've listened, gathered and figured out things for myself. I know my life is a work in progress, so things are still pretty much NOT set in stone. But I AM way past caring what other people say or think about what I think, say and do. As much as they're entitled to their own opinions (which I respect), I am also entitled to live MY life that way I want to. So bring on the opinions and what-have-yous, the final say still rests with me.

Headache no more

Yesterday proved an emotional day for me in more ways than one. I went back and stepped inside a place that I never thought I ever would step in again. All because I left when I had no more to give.

I've avoided going back for the longest time. I didn't feel ready, despite all the begging, coaxing and pleading by my friends. I'd go back when I'm in that good place. I'd go back when I'm ready.

Who would have thought yesterday would be that day?

The moment I stepped in, squeals of delight and laughter welcomed me. I got hugs and kisses. Then it was followed by, "how come you never visit us?", "are you coming back?", "we missed you sooo much!", "you're looking good!" and even "you're THAT Cecilia? I've heard so much about you - all good."

I ended up hanging around for two hours...and I thought I'd be around, at most, for half-hour.

It was fun to be back. Even better to find out how much I was missed, how much what I did made a difference, and how much good will I left behind that they can welcome me back so warmly. To my surprise, even the plants that I kept in my office (and gave away eventually) were still around and thriving. I thought that I burned bridges. I've long wondered how I'd be received when I dropped by for a visit. The wondering ended yesterday.

It turned out great. I left with good, happy feelings, while they all looked sad as they asked me to come back. Even for just a visit. I realized though, I wouldn't go back. My life is so different now. But it makes me happy that I've reconciled with this part of my past.

Memories of summers past

A friend blogged about her memories of summers past in Manila. It was so beautifully written that it made me want to write my own summer memories. Not that I can write it as well as she did. Nevertheless, here are my memories.

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School ended in March back when I was a kid in the Philippines. It was the start of summer when unbearable heat overpowered Manila. The time when it's better to simply stay indoors, or go somewhere else.

Our mom would tell us to pack up our stuff and head north to Baguio City.

Baguio was always a welcome respite from the heat of Manila. Driving up the meandering Kennon Road, you can feel the temperature change while seeing the mountains, the vegetation and the pine trees.

We had a vacation house in Baguio, but it wasn't located in the "happening" area. If anything, it was the residential area where residents really live. Which was fine with us. I remember when that house was being built. I even have a picture of me outside the yet-to-be-completed house holding up a doll with a big grin on my face.

Anyway, Baguio was so cold that the water was cold, and you breathe foggy air. It was just cold, cold, cold. Bathing was especially challenging because the water was cold. Hot water wasn't readily available, unless you're willing to wait for heated water. Then at some point, there was water shortage that we actually had to buy water, have them delivered, and stored in a round tank outside our house.

Of course, hanging out in Baguio for the summer meant that I was incommunicado with my friends. Our house didn't have a phone. Mass media was unreliable. The working radio was just weird and staticky. And the television? Good luck using that.

So I hung out either outside the house or indoors. We'd sit outside, read books, play board games or just talk away. We'd play dodge ball and volleyball. My mom played a mean dodge ball. My dad, on the hand, practiced his tennis shots. At some point, we started hanging out with our next-door neighbors. We exchanged jokes, and played games such as "patintero" and hide and seek. We'd go biking and boating in Burnham Park, or even horseback riding in Wright Park. To me, Baguio meant outdoor activities.

Indoors, my mom and I played Chinese Checkers. She'd always win, but she explained how she won. She'd retrace her "steps" to victory. Which, I suppose, was her way of teaching me the game. And she was a gracious winner as well. She always told me, "you'd get it next time." When I finally won my first game against her, she beamed with pride. Up until now, I suspect that she let me win.

On rainy days, I'd sit outside and watch the rain. Like, seriously sit and stare as the raindrops fell down. Somehow, I could do that for a long time and not get bored. What a weird child I was. Then again, I can still do that nowadays, and you'd hear no complaints from me. I still love the rain.

We used to walk to the store to buy hot pan de sal. By the time we get back home, the pan de sal would be nearly finished that we'd have to go back and get some more. : ) Then there's my mom tending the garden with those big-ass gardening shears. She had this idea that her Manila garden will be green, while the Baguio garden will be colorful. She'd do her gardening while humming away.

In my teen years, I claimed one of the bedrooms as my own (since I shared a bedroom with my sisters in our Manila home), which served me well when I came down with chicken pox.

Whenever we'd head back to Manila, I always felt sad and short-changed. Like the time spent there was not enough. Which only goes to show how much fun I had. But thankfully, my Mom had other plans. Even when school started, every now and then, she'd make sure to tell us to pack our bags for a weekend getaway in Baguio. Then the cycle of fun began again.

Gotta stay positive

The mind never fails to astound me. It does your bidding. And we don't even realize how much power it wields in our lives.

If you think you can do it, then you really can.

If you keep coming up with questions, then you'll keep coming up with even more questions.

If you think negative thoughts, then negative actions and outcome will happen.

If you expect bad things to happen, then it will.

Granted, not every thought that comes to mind means it's true or it's real. Sometimes, fears plague us like crazy. But it all starts with the mind. That's why you gotta be careful what you think. It just might come true.

The importance of decluttering

"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will."

I got that from a forwarded e-mail. It got me thinking about my friendships, of course, what with the defriending I've done last year. I've eliminated some people from my life, reconnected with others, befriended new people, and nurtured friendships with the rest.

Am I all the better for it? I believe so. For the longest time, I kept people in my life just because they've always been in my life. Even when it's apparent that everyone outgrew everyone else. Even when it was painfully obvious that their friendships were becoming toxic for me. Okay, I admit, sometimes I wonder if I wasn't too rash. After all, these folks knew me since I was 16 or possibly even younger. But the thing is, I also have friends from the same era with whom I share healthy friendships. They're still around. So it's not as if I totally got rid of everyone. Just those who eventually became emotional clutter in my psyche.

After I did that decluttering, surprise, surprise! Two old friends reconnected with me. Even though so many years have passed, these friends still matter to me and I to them. So yes, clearing up my relationships is worth it. It gave my life enough room to welcome back old friends that somehow, thankfully, found their way back into my life. And I'm all the better for it.

And that's how it's been

Hmmm.

Last blog post was February 16. That's like...a long time ago. Yikes.

I don't even know what to blog about. I've been busy blogging here that I can't believe I've neglected my Vanilla-Caramel baby. :( Bad. By the way folks, please feel free to add the Red Caramel blog to your blog roll. ;) That would be fantastic.

So here's what's been happening...

Headed to hospital for Dad's angioplasty. Last Monday. He's discharged already, so I'm hoping for smooth recovery. Another procedure is scheduled this coming April for his coronary arteries. Watching what he undergo is enough to scare me into a healthy lifestyle. However...

Fell off the no-meat wagon. Well, every now and then. I still eat more seafood, but the office I go to, their cafeteria hardly has vegetarian choices. *shakes fists* I bring food, but sometimes, I don't. I ate meat lasagna last Monday. Ugh.

Got Wii and Wii Fit Plus. Today's the 8th day. Everyday, we do the body test that tells us our weight and BMI. The "trainer" can be annoying, but boy oh boy, my body ached when I did yoga and strength training. I loooooove Rhythm Kung Fu, Hula Hoop, Basic Step, Rhythm Boxing, Basic Run Plus, Balance Bubble Plus, Ski Jump and Lotus Focus.

Decided on painting the guest bedroom. By myself. Again. Woo hoo! Once the weather warms up, of course. Haven't decided on the wall colors yet. Now I'm seriously contemplating having a go at painting the kitchen and bathrooms this year as well. We'll see how it goes. Maybe my sister Lani will let me paint her living and dining rooms. *hint, hint* Painting her kitchen was a fun challenge. There's just something relaxing about painting rooms that I love. It's so Zen.

Watched "2012". Didn't really like the movie that much, it didn't quite move me as I thought it would, but the special effects were great. Then the Chile earthquake happened. Freaked me out...ha ha. Probably the planet's way of shaking its fists at us for what's been done to it.

Chances are, I missed other stuff that happened lately, but oh well. I won't promise that I'll be blogging more often, but I'll do what I can. In the meantime, hugs to all of you!

Feeling bleah

I've been feeling icky since this weekend. Sore throat? Check! Runny nose? Check! Sneezing? Check! Tired? Check! Congestion? Check! Headache? Check! Watery eyes? Check!

So it seems like I'm exhibiting cold symptoms. According to Mayo Clinic and WebMD anyway. Hopefully, my asthma won't get triggered. Oh, and I hope bronchitis won't kick in. Ick.

Unlike most people, my appetite doesn't take a hit when I'm not feeling well. I still eat normally, although hot soup tastes particularly great right now. I want chicken soup, but too lazy to make them myself. I've been imbibing loads of liquids - ginger tea, peppermint tea, chamomile tea, green tea, calamansi juice, even hot chocolate. I've got both my vaporizer and humidifier out.

Just want to kick this common cold's butt out of my system. I feel so tired, it's not even funny. It's not fun feeling so bleah.