Real-life bad situations have that uncanny way of exposing fake people. So when it gets real, you’re gonna see who’s real.

I read this somewhere before: Everybody in your circle might not be in your corner.

You have to know who is laughing when you’re sad and who is sad when you’re happy.

You have to know who will pull you back from darkness and who will push you in.

You have to know who will be there to lend you a hand when you’re the one who needs a helping hand.

Stop being loyal to the wrong people. Even if you’ll jump through fire for them and risk your life, no matter how much you’ve been there for them, it doesn’t mean that they’re going to treat you the same. And yes, tough times do reveal these people. They make themselves known pretty easily.

Find your tribe. Find the people who has your back. Find the ones who will do for you what you’ll do for them, who’ll say “yes” to helping you without question, without expecting anything in return, without hesitation, without skipping a beat. Those people are life’s gifts and blessings.

“Do an inventory on the people in your life, because some of your day one friends have been hating on you since day two. Invest your time in people who love you and support you. Remember, it’s about quality, not quantity.” ~ Karamo Brown, Queer Eye S4:E1 “Without Further Ado”

Maybe we keep praying during this pandemic, asking and asking for what we want, but we’re not listening.

We ask for healing and perhaps we’re given opportunities to heal, but we’re not paying attention.

We ask for a return to normal, but maybe we should be moving forward instead. Go back to how it was, but it was how it was that brought us to this point. So should we really be going back?

I know it’s the pandemic and all that, and I probably shouldn’t be expecting much from people right now. Everyone is grappling with what’s happening in their own ways.

My main tenet in life has always been “live and let live”. You live your life that way you want, and I will live mine the way I want.

Yet there’s been some behavior during this pandemic that makes me just shake my head. If you have money to pay household help, then you have money. Don’t give me that drama that money is an issue. If you don’t want to pay them, then don’t hire them. Seems straightforward.

People’s lack of sympathy for frontliners – especially the medical frontliners – is very off-putting as well. Who else will take care of all of us versus this virus if not them? So don’t we owe them some sympathy when they’re finding it hard to do their jobs? They all need to get paid generously because every single time they go to work, they put their lives at risk.

The pandemic took out the trash that I would’ve held on to otherwise. While the circumstances of the pandemic did force the decluttering, it produced great results despite living more than a year in worry, fear, frustration, rage and disappointment.

Another upside? With the noise and negativity out there, I am learning to look inwards.

The pandemic was a magnifying lens on relationships I have – highlighting what I wanted, needed and even what I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. For the longest time, being a friend to people I thought were my friends was a given, something I don’t really think deeply about. If they needed me, I was there. Need a shock absorber? I’ll listen. Looking to vent? Sure! I was always a message away.

When I finally tuned in to my heart, I realized that my unconditional love is without strings attached and without boundaries.

Yet it’s that lack of boundaries that people take advantage of – that’s why I missed the red flags. Those people were never around when I needed them. They only pop up when their own needs are dire.

Some friendships you take for granted because it’s been around forever. Then again, there are some friendships that take you for granted because you’ve been around forever.

So-called friends threw me under the bus when I spoke my truth and it’s not the truth they wanted to hear. For the longest time, since I believe that people are adults who know what they’re doing and are responsible and accountable for their choices and decisions, I tolerate whatever they do – even if it borders on unacceptable behavior – and end up being complicit in enabling it. I have kept silent and kept my opinions to myself, then I end up being perceived as an enabler and supporter of people whose values in no way reflect or align with mine. 

Lessons learned?

1. When people show you who they are, believe it. Don’t romanticize what isn’t there. Don’t explain away or excuse bad behavior. Most of the time, what you see is really what you get.
2. Maintaining friendships is intentional. Choose the people you want in your life and vice-versa. Be friends with those who are willing to put in the same time, effort and affection.
3. Let it go. You don’t have to keep all your friends around. If they can throw you under the bus without skipping a beat, then that was not a friendship in any way, shape or form.
4. Protect your energy. If speaking your truth makes them blurt out how they feel about you as a person and they’ve never even hinted that they felt that negatively towards you, then let that shit go. 
5. You can’t lose what you never had. Hard times will always reveal true friends.

I can offer love as freely and as long as I can, but when push comes to shove, I will care for myself. What’s even better is by ridding myself of no-value friendships, I’m opening up space in my life for new positive relationships.

“In life, we never lose friends, we only learn who the true ones are.”

If you’re happily married, then obviously, divorce isn’t for you.

But for others who are not happily marriage, give them a way out.

Hardly anyone enters a relationship thinking it will end. But the reality is, it does end for various reasons. While happily ever after is a lovely relationship goal,

How holy a marriage is it if there’s domestic abuse? Doesn’t that abuse violate the sanctity of marriage? What’s more, bringing up kids in such a toxic environment – how can that strengthen the family unit?

Let’s add infidelity into the mix. Isn’t it hypocritical to proclaim “preserve the sanctity of marriage” when cheating is condoned – “it’s just the way it is”. No wonder the kabit culture is so pervasive in Filipino telenovelas.

If infidelity and abuse aren’t departure tickets out of a marriage, then what?

Preserve the sanctity of marriage by actually respecting that marriage is for people who are ready for the commitment. Those who aren’t shouldn’t be in one.

Filipinos who divorce in other countries but are legal residents of the Philippines are still considered married under Phillippine law.

Sure, it should be “until death do us part”…which is what happens in some extreme cases of domestic abuse. One ends up dead because even if they wanted out a long time ago, they couldn’t. They’re not allowed to.

If you’re too busy protecting the vague concept of a family, but failing to see the real people who are suffering in marriages that should’ve long been over, then you’re part of the problem.

Divorce won’t break up a happy marriage, just those that are already teetering on the brink of failure.

It’s been two weeks after our second dose, so as of today, we’re fully vaccinated! (as per CDC guidelines )

So ready to…stay at home? No thanks to the variants, I’d still prefer to just stay at home. Even with the vaccine rollout at snail’s pace, there’s still limited testing and contact tracing.

But still celebrating the good stuff!