The pandemic took out the trash that I would’ve held on to otherwise. While the circumstances of the pandemic did force the decluttering, it produced great results despite living more than a year in worry, fear, frustration, rage and disappointment.
Another upside? With the noise and negativity out there, I am learning to look inwards.
The pandemic was a magnifying lens on relationships I have – highlighting what I wanted, needed and even what I wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole. For the longest time, being a friend to people I thought were my friends was a given, something I don’t really think deeply about. If they needed me, I was there. Need a shock absorber? I’ll listen. Looking to vent? Sure! I was always a message away.
When I finally tuned in to my heart, I realized that my unconditional love is without strings attached and without boundaries.
Yet it’s that lack of boundaries that people take advantage of – that’s why I missed the red flags. Those people were never around when I needed them. They only pop up when their own needs are dire.
Some friendships you take for granted because it’s been around forever. Then again, there are some friendships that take you for granted because you’ve been around forever.
So-called friends threw me under the bus when I spoke my truth and it’s not the truth they wanted to hear. For the longest time, since I believe that people are adults who know what they’re doing and are responsible and accountable for their choices and decisions, I tolerate whatever they do – even if it borders on unacceptable behavior – and end up being complicit in enabling it. I have kept silent and kept my opinions to myself, then I end up being perceived as an enabler and supporter of people whose values in no way reflect or align with mine.
Lessons learned?
- When people show you who they are, believe it. Don’t romanticize what isn’t there. Don’t explain away or excuse bad behavior. Most of the time, what you see is really what you get.
- Maintaining friendships is intentional. Choose the people you want in your life and vice-versa. Be friends with those who are willing to put in the same time, effort and affection.
- Let it go. You don’t have to keep all your friends around. If they can throw you under the bus without skipping a beat, then that was not a friendship in any way, shape or form.
- Protect your energy. If speaking your truth makes them blurt out how they feel about you as a person and they’ve never even hinted that they felt that negatively towards you, then let that shit go.
- You can’t lose what you never had. Hard times will always reveal true friends.
I can offer love as freely and as long as I can, but when push comes to shove, I will care for myself. What’s even better is by ridding myself of no-value friendships, I’m opening up space in my life for new positive relationships.
“In life, we never lose friends, we only learn who the true ones are.”